Photo Credit: Shelagh Murphy

A few years ago, I decided never to step foot in another Evangelical church — specifically predominantly White churches. The last four years have shown me that most of its members and leaders cling more to white supremacy and patriarchy than to God.

White supremacy is their god and their source of security.

What I’ve witnessed in the last four years, and more precisely in the weeks since the insurrection, has only proven that I made the right decision.

I asked a friend if she thinks these churches can be fixed. Is it possible for them to acknowledge the history…

I was ashamed of my name for years. Kashara.

People always seemed to mispronounce it — switching vowels and consonants. I could (and still) can read the confusion on faces. It was awkward for me to repeat it two — even three times — while the other person struggled slowly to get it, only to say it wrong a few minutes later.

In the fourth grade, I remember asking my teacher to use a nickname — Kassie. Fewer syllables, less noticeable during roll call, and less “Black” or ethnic-sounding. She and my friends obliged. My parents refused.

Shame intrigues me…

I wrapped up 2020 with an anxiety attack inside of a Caribbean restaurant.

We decide to grab takeout for New Year’s Eve. When we arrive, we notice a bit of a line, but I don’t want to have wasted the trip, so I reluctantly decide to go in. I’m immediately hit with the air — thick, hot with little ventilation. 15–20 people in line, six feet apart, all are wearing masks. The longer we wait, the faster my thoughts race. My chest tightens. I’m shaking and shifting from one foot to the other. Counting the number of people while holding my breath every time someone walks by for fear of breathing in their…

I understand why women disassociate. Practically from birth, we’re trained and molded to fit into these nice and neat boxes. We’re expected to check off boxes of marriage, children, and self-sacrifice for acceptance and survival in exchange.

We apologize — — constantly for being too loud, too outspoken, for being what’s perceived as impolite when really it’s a declaration of our agency. We spend massive amounts of time, essentially apologizing for our existence. And for who? For what? It’s certainly not for ourselves. It’s for others — — family, friends, strangers. It’s for the appearance of peace, of safety, and…

I left that session feeling physically drained, hazy, and numb. The kind of numbness that’s brought on by death and tragedy. Looking back now, I was experiencing a sort of death. With the onset of so much growth, I hadn’t realized that certain parts of me would naturally die to make room for the new.

Therapy sessions are a bit like ocean waves. Some weeks, I arrive feeling reflective of my life — a sense of heightened awareness of myself and others. I feel an almost magical sense of realizing that I am alive and that I exist amongst billions…

Photo Credit: Inga Seliverstova

“If we don’t find a way to release it productively, it will take root in our hearts in the form of bitterness.”


These last three months have been some of the most challenging on all fronts. The levels of uncertainty, hostility, and overall pressure are unlike anything that many of us have ever witness in our lifetimes. It’s quite frightening at times to be completely honest, and it’s disheartening most of the time. Staying hopeful about the future becomes more of a challenge.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been able to gain a lot of clarity and inner…

Photo Image: Anna Shvets

A global pandemic crisis provides a grand opportunity to consider and re-evaluate our priorities. Amid anxiety and loneliness at times, I’ve been surprised to find that the forced simplification of my life has actually helped me gain a sense of clarity on a personal and emotional level. The most important thing that I’ve realized is that I’m not trying to design a life that I can fall in love with. I’m trying to create one that has meaning and purpose woven throughout it. I want my capacity to be filled with opportunities to pour life into others. I want a…

We don’t have to wait for the day when we’ve done something “significant”…

A few months ago, I went on a trip to the mountains to get away from the busyness of the city. I believe that so many answers can be discovered in silence.

I received one of many answers via a virtual session with my therapist where we talked about my fear of running out of time before doing something “significant”. Significance. I think we’re all searching for that in some way. For the feeling that what we’re doing matters. For some sign that confirms that WE matter.

“The questions that we don’t ask because of fear are framing the very stories that we create in the absence of truth.”

I have been been an avoider of difficult conversations for as long as I can remember. I’m always afraid of being wrong about my feelings (honestly, that alone deserves its own conversation). I’m always afraid of having my words misconstrued. And then, there are the countless “what ifs”. What if I look foolish? What if I’m overreacting? What if they won’t love me anymore? What if they leave?

The questions that we don’t ask because of fear are…

“With our society’s ever-growing emphasis on self-care and self-improvement, maybe what we could all use is a whole-hearted commitment to designing multi-faceted lives for ourselves. ”

Our world seems to be an increasingly scary place to live. There’s so much fear and anger bubbling up from deep below the surface. Thich Nhat Hahn says that fear and anger stem from a lack of understanding. That idea has been on my mind for a couple of months now and has been reshaping the way that I interact with others as I navigate through this world.

With all of the natural disasters…

Kashara Johnson

I write as a daily invitation to be unwaveringly honest with myself.

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